Today I am ...

Source

I have had to make a copy of this printable and post it on my refrigerator to remind myself to be grateful.  During the time of year where Thanksgiving celebrations abound, I am finding it hard to give thanks these days. It's too easy for me to wallow, to get caught up in anxiety or despair or let days pass me by without seeing and acknowledging the gifts right before me. And I refuse to do that! But it's challenging to open my clenched fist and receive what He has to give when I don't want it. But He knows best …

Last week at 5 in the morning, I awoke to a crashing thud and flew out of bed. Rushing to the direction of the sound, I opened my bathroom door only to find my husband unresponsive to me on the floor. I didn't know if he was having a seizure or unconscious or what was happening and I called 911 in a stupor. He woke up mid phone call and walked to our bed confused as to why I was on the phone and who I was talking to. I was confused as to why he was walking around when only seconds ago he lay there. 

The paramedics arrived after he made it downstairs to the couch. He complained that he had been up with severe stomach pains and that was the last he could remember before he woke up on the floor.  He answered their questions calmly and it all seemed like a dream. I went upstairs to calm Zanna down as she had awaked to see the ambulance lights outside her window and wondered what was going on. I let her know that Daddy wasn't feeling well but he was doing better now and tucked her back in to bed. As I was coming down the steps to rejoin the exam, the paramedics started calling out Wayne's name as he fell back into unconsciousness. His heart rate dropped to 20 and I silently begged him to wake up. He did shortly and they explained what had happened to him that he was oblivious to. 

After that he was taken to Emerg and I followed behind as soon as my friend came to stay with both kids that were now up.  I found him in the ER quickly and sat with him as we awaited his blood test results.  It was uneventful, thankfully! The tests revealed nothing unusual or cause for alarm. The doctor explained that he suspected that the stomach pain, perhaps some indigestion, was the cause of the nerve being set off causing him to pass out. He was sent home with dr's orders to take the day off and take it easy. 

I am very, very grateful it hasn't happened since and it could very well be one of those really weird things that happen for no apparent reason. Happens to me all the time, not to him. I have had a host of strange symptoms over the years with seemingly no explanation. Was this his turn? Will it happen again?

This week found us in paediatric neurology at the children's hospital with Will. I had suspected since the spring that his absence seizures had returned after 3 years of being medication free. The EEG confirmed it and we witnessed his brain waves change drastically on the screen. And while this was not news we hoped for, I couldn't help but notice the young patients and their parents come through paediatric neurology while we were there. I was impressed by the calmness of the patients, the strength of the parents and the care and concern by the staff. I am grateful for the medical resources available to us where we live. I am grateful that we are dealing with this now and not a year from now when he's away at school. And I am grateful that God's will be done - even when I don't understand it. 

Faith doesn't wait to give thanks.  It isn't always clear to us what God is doing. And when I need to see what God's up to before I give thanks - that's not faith. Paul told the people in Thessalonica to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Faith counts blessings in every situation. Forward in Christ, Nov 2013  article "Give Thanks in all Circumstances" by Kenneth J. Fisher 

It's not about finding the good in the bad. It's knowing that it's all good.

Yes, today I am grateful!