Dear Maddie,
I am so excited for you! I'm thrilled not just for your upcoming marriage and the happiness that wears all over your face, but I'm also excited for you to join the exclusive club of pastor's wife. Don't get me wrong, you're in for it. By that I mean that you are sure to experience frustrating and difficult times directly related to this vocation. Those times will come and be assured that the Lord will guide you through them and He will work good out of it. What I want to share with you today are the many blessings that are yet to come because your husband will also be a pastor. What I share with you today is taken from my own experience and you will have your own blessings. Be looking for them!!
Even if you are far from family, your church will become your family.
I'm not insinuating anyone can replace your mother (heaven forbid!!). But the Lord provides and He will provide you what you need. I remember first arriving to our new home after 2 days of driving, a border crossing, and a 2 year old in the backseat (who was on a Bob the Builder kick). I was tired, nervous, and scared by the time we pulled into the driveway. The semi wouldn't arrive for another few days with our belongings but we found a kitchen pantry stocked with food and a fridge full of needed dairy products, fruits and veggies. The house was clean, the lawn had been recently tended to. Before even meeting the people I would come to know as parishioners, they had already sent their love.
Over the years we've been here, our relationships with many individuals and families have grown roots and are deep. They can be full of verbal affirmation and encouragement, hugs and friendly smiles on a Sunday morning, or thoughtful gifts at Christmas time. This last Christmas, each of my children received a hand-written letter from a dear member who recently became a widow. In the time that she took to write these notes, she put herself in my kids' shoes. She imagined how excited my son was to be home from school faraway, gave him advise to take with him in the future, and included American money so that he could have a break from cafeteria food. My daughter received a similar thoughtful letter and her's included a piece of jewelry she had searched out just for her. My children's grandparents may not have made it to our home at Christmas but God had deeply touched this special lady to show such grandmotherly love.
You're faith will grow as never before!
We know that faith grows by being in God's Word and through the Gospel message in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper. There will be plenty of opportunity for both!!
- You will live a liturgical life defined by the church year. This church year is meant to always remind us who we are in Christ and what He has done for us in a predictable and constant cycle so that we never forget. The colours on the altar, the banners that match the season and Sunday theme we are celebrating, the nuances of how the altar is set up and maintained will be on your radar in a way that it wasn't before. It all points to Jesus and is a constant learning opportunity to be reminded of Christ and His work.
- You will go to church a lot. Unless you are stuck at home with a 104 degree fever or some part of you is bleeding and won't stop, you will most likely will be at church when there's church. I have never regretted going to church. I may drag my feet sometimes to get there but I'm always glad I did. The Word of God never returns to me empty, always speaks to me, always builds me up, always puts my life in perspective.
- You will have access to your pastor's library AND have lots of opportunity to ask your pastor anything. These men are well trained and well versed in Scripture. They have a personal library to show for it (although younger pastor's may have more books on their computers). If you are reading something theological and a question pops into your head, you can just ask if he happens to be there (or send a text or put a pin in it for later). You can even ask questions you feel silly asking because he loves you know matter what (it's part of the marriage deal).
You are better "in the know" of what the needs are in a congregation and where you can serve. Not that good works and service are limited to church related areas, but as your faith grows so will your desire to serve others. Sometimes we don't know what to do with that! Not so in the life of ministry. There's always something to do and this is a blessing.
Everybody has a story. Your church family is a hot mess underneath it all. I have yet to really find an exception to this rule. We all may have ebbs and flows where life is going a bit easier or we're really going through a trying time. You'll catch any given individual somewhere on that spectrum of life. It may come out as wearing their heart on their sleeve, or they may be really hard to get along with, or they may be the most caring and giving individual. They may be active in the congregation or seldom seen apart from worship. Some will be harder to like than others.
Why do I list this as a blessing?!
Because you, dear sister, will be in good company. You and I have stories too. We're hot messes underneath it all which is why we all need Jesus so badly! As Christians we are all struggling with our Old Adam and New Man and it's exhausting!! Knowing this helps especially with those hard to love souls because we're reminded we were all hard to love and Jesus loved us anyway so much so that He died for our sins! And even though we're all His children through faith and eternal life is ours, we still struggle. Some just hide it better than others. Pray for wisdom to see them as blood-bought souls, for the ability to love their warts and all, and that they might be able to do that for you too.
Your prayer life will grow. It often takes some time for people to trust you and know you but when people become honest about their struggles and challenges in life, you may be someone they come to. This is a gift and a high honour when these precious souls entrust their secrets and struggles with you. You may want to keep a prayer journal because I know when I tell someone that I'll pray for them, I really don't want to forget. I'm a list maker anyway and maybe you're different. I think it's pretty incredible to be able to keep these people in prayer and have a front row seat in seeing how God takes care of them.
You will be married to a man of God who is in the Word daily. The power of the Holy Spirit changes a man who is regularly feeding his soul with God's Word - not just for work related purposes but to build up his own faith. It's hard to preach to others what they should be doing when you're not doing it yourself so they will hopefully desire to practice what they preach. A faithful pastor will strive to be the spiritual leader in his own home, lead a godly and upright life to not tarnish the good name of the Lord, and be mindful of his own spiritual health. All this he will surely struggle with but if there's a struggle then the fight within is real. He has the Holy Spirit to strengthen him and Jesus to forgive him when (not if) he falls.
CFW Walther says in the third lecture of Law and Gospel that a pastor should rightly distinguish the difference between Law and Gospel and that both should be taught in every sermon. Not only that but he should approach it in such a way as to preach it to himself first. A pastor is just as miserable a sinner as the rest of his flock and lest he think otherwise, must have the Law convict his heart so that he too sees his need for a Saviour. When this is realized and felt deeply only then can the Gospel show him his Saviour and allow him to rest in the arms of Jesus for real comfort. A person who has not been put through this experience is a sound without meaning, a sounding brass and a tinkling cymbal. But a preacher who has personally passed through this experience can really speak from the heart, and what he says will go into the hearts of this hearers. ... He enters the pulpit a humble man. People can tell whether his preaching comes from the heart or not. (taken from Law and Gospel)
When your pastor preaches in this way week after week, your pastor husband changes. The man I am married to now is not the same man I fell head over heals in love with - he's better. I've seen the evidences of the inward changes and stand in awe of the power of the Holy Spirit. I couldn't ask for more. I am so very blessed to call him husband and to walk by his side through this life on the path to eternity.
Don't get me wrong - he's not perfect and never will be this side of heaven. Your husband will be sure to disappoint you and you will get to witness his hypocrisy. All the more reason to pray fervently for the man who is your husband and has the responsibility through his vocation to shepherd the flock God has called him to.
You get to live in the proverbial glass house. At first glance, this is not so great a blessing. Who wants the pressure of their lives on display like that? But honestly, shouldn't all Christians feel this load to a certain extent? As Christians we are all ambassadors of Jesus. People are watching us more than we know. We might as well accept that just being a child of God holds us to a higher standard. We're not in this alone - we couldn't by ourselves. We are redeemed children of God and when He looks at us He sees a glass house with no fingerprints and smudges. The pressure is off and we are free to live our lives for Him. Let them look in the windows! Seek His help in setting a good example, gain wisdom for godly living, and be mentored by those you look up to. And when someone has their nose pressed against the glass (is that a new smudge?!) and witnesses a not so great moment in your life? There's an opportunity to be honest and real about your struggle, contrite in nature, and another moment in life to experience the awesome forgiveness of Jesus.
Welcome to the pastor's wife club. There's not really a club, per se. There is a private Facebook page though. I kid ... but what I really want to say is that because there's no such thing as the perfect pastor's wife and we all have a vocation in common that helps us relate to one another in a way that's difficult for others, we're in the club. Come as you are. These are some of the nicest people I know. You can unload on them like you can't (and shouldn't) on others but they will also build you up, pray for you, and encourage you in the Word of God like nobody else. They are often down to earth, struggling in their own way, and happy to lend an ear. We can bounce ideas off one another whether ministry related, family and children related, or other. Our kids just might become best buds. They may even go to Prep together but that's jumping ahead of myself ... ;)
The bottom line is - every challenge that we face will be a blessing when the Lord uses it to instruct us. It won't always feel that way at the time but He promises it will work out for His good.
Maddie, I am honoured to have been your pastor's wife. It has been a joy to watch you grow from a young lady to the women you are now. May God richly bless your marriage and ministry!!
In His Service,
Rachel
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