Comfort and Joy

If a blog could gather dust, this one would have it. I think this is the longest it's been that I haven't posted something. This fall has flown by so I'll hit some highlights.

If you've ever wondered what to do with old hymnals or books, you can make a book wreath like the one I made above.  I had made one years ago to hang in our home in Ottawa. There was no way it would make the move so I gifted it to a close friend. I hated to part with it but at least I knew it went to a good home! This time I made one for Wayne's office at church. Because the office walls were basically the same color as the pages, it seemed to disappear on the wall. I found a wall hanging at Kirklands to be almost a "charger" and I LOVE how it turned out! The medallion in the middle reminds me of Luther's Rose which is perfect. 

Buddy is living his best life. He drives me batty with the amount of shedding that occurs in my house on a daily basis. My yoga pants are constantly covered in dog hair. I find it highly satisfying to take him outside and brush his coat with the Furbinator because I know whatever I brush outside is one less hair that I'll need to vacuum up inside. But he's cute. I'll give him that. 

Zanna had a fantastic first semester of Sophomore year! She has a nice roommate, is doing great in her classes, loves her friends, and throughly enjoys high school life. She auditioned for the spring musical and got a part! Practices will start when she returns next month and we look forward to going up there in March to watch the performance. 

In October I attended the Pricilla Project, a WELS pastor's wives retreat for our district. It's always such a treat to get away and spend uninterrupted time in God's Word and fellowship among the ladies. It was a great mix of familiar faces and new ones too! 

Fran came for a visit and was with us through Thanksgiving (the American one in November). I hosted for the first time in 7 years! With my mom and dad no longer in Wisconsin, we didn't have a reason or a place to go up north so both kids came home. Will's girlfriend, Emily, was able to join us too as she lives in the Dallas area. 

Wayne had surgery on his shoulder the week beforehand. He tore his rotator cuff at a fire call 6 months earlier. It's been a challenge for him being down an arm. Will had to carve the turkey while dad gave directions - haha! 

Our church hosted our second Advent by Candlelight with the theme of "Comfort and Joy". The program was written by my mom so that made it extra special! We had a lovely evening and six of my neighbors came along with a Facebook friend from Dallas I'd never met (but she's a longtime friend of Mom's), and Emily. I have cherished these evenings over the years set aside during the busy and chaotic days leading up to Christmas. It's been an opportunity to breathe in the profound message of Jesus coming that allows me to slowly exhale throughout the rest of Advent the implications of that coming and the one to come. Comfort and Joy. 

Our Empty Nest - A Year in Retrospect ( AKA: My Second Act)

Sometimes new experiences are terrifying

It was only a year ago that Wayne and I were left looking at one another after each of our kids went off to school - Will went directly to college in Minnesota from a whole summer of Basic Training in Missouri and Zanna to her first year in high school at a Lutheran boarding school.  We were officially empty nesters at 45 years old, earlier than normal because of our high school choice of education. 

Honestly I had been thinking of this moment and dreading it since Will had started his first year of high school in Wisconsin. I consoled myself with the fact that I had six good, long years with Zanna still at home and lots of time left. But as we all know, time flies. 

Meanwhile I built up my hair studio business so I was in a good position to have that fill in the gap and provide us with tuition money and a job that I could work into my schedule. With kids and extended family all far away, it was important to me to be flexible and be able to travel when we needed to. Owning my own salon was perfect and gave me the control that I was looking for. 

Then we moved. Like, moved to another country. Getting my license to practice hair in Ontario was a huge pain in the butt to begin with. It was so complex that I've blocked out most of the details from my memory. Bottom line, it worked out and was a huge blessing! I did not expect to have such a difficult time going back to the US after holding three different state licenses over my lifetime, a current and valid Ontario license, and 25 years experience. But I did. Without boring you with the details, it was not working. I tried not to panic. 

Once we moved to Texas, I knew I had two years left with Zanna home. Two years of homeschooling left. Two years of mothering full-time in the home and I didn't want to squander that or waste it by worrying about what would happen after that. 

Here's the deal. When I became a mother and transitioned from working outside the home for a paycheck to working in the home mothering and without a paycheck, I could find support in many different places. Don't get me wrong - it was hard. But between the books I read, the blogs and websites that were coming out (it was the turn of the century so the internet was just exploding with all those resources), the playgroups in the community, and the relationships I already had with those that answered to Mother, I didn't have to look far to find wisdom, ideas, support, and encouragement. I tackled motherhood like everything else I've done - with everything I've got. I treated it like a job worth investing in constantly learning and searching for ways to improve, finding a support system of likeminded women that have also chosen this path, and looking for inspiration that constantly challenged my own creativity and interests to keep me out of a rut or from becoming bored. I became great at it. God blessed it not only by the satisfaction and joy I've had from mothering but by giving us great kids that are growing into amazing adults. Praise the Lord for all of this! 

I wanted to look at this next stage in life in the same way - passionate and exciting! But when I started any research into it, I was finding information not so relatable. Usually people are older than we are when they are complete empty nesters. If it happens when your youngest goes to college then we're a good four years early and even then we had our kids when we were still relatively young compared to the average of today. Some empty nesters are much closer to retirement. Many had already started to transition back to the workplace before their kids went away. Instead we had moved away from the job that was to help me transition into this next season.  And on top of that I was still homeschooling through 8th grade. This was important to me and I did not want to squander this precious time by worrying about what would happen once she was gone while she was still here! 

Last year at this time was so weird and odd and quiet. I panicked and scrambled with what to do with my days and how to arrange them. I thought for sure that if I could just get a part time job that would help with the tuition bills then I could pursue other things that may not provide me with a take home check but allow me the freedom to do the things I enjoy. 

Earlier that May I had joined Epicure mainly for the discount of something I love. However, I was also open to seeing where it might go as a business. The pandemic had just hit a few months earlier and nobody was going anywhere anyway,  more people were eating from home or looking for a way to eat take out less, and the potential for growing a business new to the US but with a well established company (from Canada) was intriguing. What the heck! It was really fun! I did Facebook cooking classes for months and "met" people from all over the US. I even reconnected with Canadian friends and family by hosting a class for that side of the border! I learned so much about social media, business tools and practices, and most of all - I learned so much about myself. Seriously, if you want to really grow and get all uncomfortable (which makes growth possible) - get yourself a business. It's horrible and wonderful. It totally forced me to step outside my comfort zone and battle some serious doubts to overcome that made me feel brave. It was amazing! 

Crispy and Crunchy Lettuce Wrap

Teriyaki Tuna Steaks

I still struggled though especially coming home last August to an empty house (the dog doesn't count). I hated feeling anxious, questioning my purpose, and wondering what to do next - Feeling like I had to hold my own and not be a drain on the family. I've always been self motivated, focused, and purposeful. I just couldn't move forward. And so I did something that I never planned on doing - I got a life coach.  It may sound weird but I'm coming out and saying that it's changed my life without changing anything at all except my thoughts about my life! There's so much in life we have no control over but we actually have control over our thoughts and was just succumbing to them without even giving it much thought. It's changed the way I see and feel about practically everything - my marriage, my kids, what's going on in the world, and yes - my life as an empty nester! It's been a year now of Life Mentoring School and it's been one of the best decisions I've made. 

Last fall I had offered my services to the homeschool co-op that Zanna and I had been a part of to continue teaching writing if they wanted me to. The year before I had become a registered instructor with the writing program I had used with both kids over the years. Remember how I go all in? Yep, I spent the previous summer  going to "school" to become certified so I would feel better equipped to teach writing for co-op. Since I had already gone through the trouble and I also LOVE the program, I was more than happy to volunteer my time to support and encourage those that continue to homeschool. Not only that but the only people I really knew outside of church were homeschoolers. Now that Zanna wasn't around it was hard to connect with those I had made relationships with without still running in that crowd. I ended up really enjoying it and the kids I got to teach once a week. Funny for the girl who didn't finish her teaching degree at college and became a hairdresser .... 

A message from one of my sweet writing students

Later that fall, I was trained to clean cabins over at the nearby camp. This was totally in my wheelhouse. I love cleaning! They needed me primarily in case they were short staffed and for turnarounds during Covid - I was the only one willing to go in and clean a cabin without waiting 24 hours. I was also trained in the camp office to do some paperwork, etc. This was also out of my comfort zone as I don't usually do spreadsheets and Quickbooks. But I learned how and I finally caught on to something that did not come naturally. 

So for awhile I felt in limbo. I was trying different things and they weren't necessarily taking off as fast as I was hoping. I wanted success right away! I wanted to find my niche and be done with it! I sent out some resumes and even interviewed for a "traditional" job in town but I quickly realized that traditional doesn't necessarily hold the answer to all I was looking for. I am so thankful God didn't give me what I asked for so soon because by the end of October, Will was home from college due to Covid and pivoting to online instruction for the rest of the semester. He would not go back to Minnesota until January. Our nest wasn't empty anymore! 

Those three months with him were the greatest gift of Covid so far. He had been gone the whole summer before so to have him home and all to ourselves was wonderful! I was back to making daily meals just trying to keep up with his extra appetite in the home. He'd eat leftovers before they even got completely cold! We SO enjoyed having him home and totally cherished that bonus time with him even though online learning does not suit him best. We made the most of it and I was over the moon to have our 20 year old under our roof again for a few months. Of course, our girl was home also for Christmas break and I was thankful I could devote my time and energy to my precious family. 

That brings us up to the spring and my Epicure business was technically growing but also hit a wall.  I still really liked it and believed it could be such a blessing to so many families and people. I stepped outside my comfort once again and did a few kid's cooking classes in my home. They were a total hit not just with the kids but I was flying high! Another score in the bravery department for me! This was totally in my wheelhouse, I was blessing other families, and making some fairly quick extra cash. Win, win! 

Around this time our church secretary announced she and her husband would be moving away from our area. We were so sad about this because they have been such blessings to us and to the church over the years. However, that left an open job that needed to be filled and she suggested I consider filling it. We got the OK from council and I became the church secretary in May. 

Also in May I officially joined the WELS Women's Ministry executive team after spending the last year and a half being mentored and a part of some online Bible studies, etc. I flew to Milwaukee for meetings and have already been blessed to be a part of some ground breaking projects. Now we're gearing up for conference next summer where I'll be leading a workshop (terrified, once again).

So that brings us up to the summer. Summer was fun, full, and wonderful!  As my attention turns ahead to this fall, nothing's changed but everything is different.  I still have an empty nest but I have a huge buffet of opportunities to pick from in how I want to manage my time, earn money, volunteer, serve my family, etc. I'll actually have to let some things go by the wayside because there's not enough hours in the day! 

This fall I'll be teaching three homeschool writing classes which I'm incredibly excited about.  Several months ago I was contacted by a lady in Round Rock, Texas that owns an online tutoring/enrichment learning company. She asked if I would take over a 3rd grade online English class come August having found my name as a registered instructor on the IEW website. I had two of those classes so far which was terrifying and fun which is getting to be a familiar feeling these days! Teaching in person is one thing. Teaching online is quite another as many others have learned the last year and a half! 

The church secretary job is perfect for my organizational skills, is super flexible, and offers me that part time job salary I was hoping for that would put a dent in tuition. Thank you, Lord!! 

I have to set the camp stuff aside for now and that's OK as they didn't seem to absolutely need me. My Epicure business still has potential but I'm not sure if it's the right fit for me. I'm so glad I did it! For now I'll maintain the status quo until or unless something changes. I may try and still do a monthly kid's cooking class though. I'm on the fence. 

My volunteer role in Women's Ministry is so exciting to me and I want to do that justice with the gifts and abilities I have to serve God's kingdom and specifically WELS churches and their women. I am praying for other likeminded women that will be willing to join my team and pray for wisdom in this area.

I'm also for the first time since I was maybe 18 ? going to teach Sunday School. I've got a little 3 year old boy to teach and this should be fun! 

Add to all of that a home to care for, a yard to maintain, laundry to do, meals to make, and a dog to take care of - I still want margin in my life to read, meet someone for coffee, attend midweek Bible class, write for my blog or Holy Hen House, or put my feet up. 

I haven't really mentioned Wayne yet ... He's been incredibly supportive through all my highs and lows. He's always encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone and be brave. He's also never pressured me into any of the feelings I've put on myself. Quite the opposite! I'm so thankful to have such a loving spouse that gives me the freedom to work through my mess and be who I am! Our marriage is loving the freedom of empty nesting! It's kind of like a version of a honeymoon and dating each other again only way more comfortable and even more exciting because I'd take the intimacy of old love over new love any day! The only kink in our freedom is the dog, but we have a very generous neighbor who loves Buddy and offers to take care of him if we want to go on a day trip or something. 

Last year at this time I was running in circles and confused what to do next. Now I'm excited and overwhelmed at how God has masterfully used all the experiences I've had in my life up to now to be ready for today. Last year I questioned my next right thing.  I probably should have questioned my sanity;)  God's timing is perfect and His plan is better than I even thought to ask for! I'm totally ready for my second act. 

Last Goodbye

There's something to be said for getting closure. The benefits are pregnant with possibility moving forward. It keeps us from being stuck. There's sadness looking back at the joy of what was and hope in the joy still to come. God gave us our family and friends that become our people to surround us when we add to that circle in marriages and births. Those same people are there to surround us when we say goodbye to one of our own in death. 

But before I get to that ....

God also gave us Elvis. 

We used to have a book and board game called Awkward Family Photos. Go check out the website. I die.   

Anyway, the point is that this picture reminds me of some of those photos. I love Wayne's floating head ... Anyone want to caption Zanna's face in this one?! 

Our big trip in August was back up to Wisconsin for my grandparent's memorial service. Since our end of May/beginning of June trip was also up in Wisconsin for their burial, I kinda wanted to throw something fun in there for us to do. So we decided to make a pit stop in Memphis, Tennessee on the way up! 

I spent the 7th grade living in Memphis. That is when I officially fell in love with Elvis. It's hard not to when you walk through his house and become immersed in what was his life and his hip gyrating music. So I'd been sold a long time ago although the memory of it had faded a bit. I was absolutely convinced that once my 15 year old daughter was properly introduced to Elvis with a trip to Graceland that she too would not be able to help falling in love with ... Elvis.

She rolled her eyes. She sighed big, pathetic sighs. She defiantly crossed her arms. 

We walked up to the visitor center and I was all fired up and she was ... well ....

Not having it.  Yet.

Then we arrived through the gates of Graceland. We had our headphones and iPads that narrated the tour of his hallowed home. We went back in time and imagined all that might have gone on in those rooms. 

We walked through the themed museums and gift stores, watched parts of his home movies and interviews, inspected the military uniforms and bedazzled concert jumpsuits he wore. We toured his plane.

By the end of it, she was buying a big, fluffy blanket with Elvis all over to wrap herself up in. 

That's what I thought.

We wanted more!! Next we went to Sun Studios where icons of music history have recorded their songs including the King of Rock and Roll himself. 

It was a relatively quick trip we packed a lot into. We went to the Peabody and watched the ducks go back to the roof for the evening. We went to the Lorraine Motel where MLK was killed. We walked the bridge that crosses over the state line. We went to the pyramid that houses a giant Bass Pro Shop. We tried to go to Mud Island but it was closed for renovation work. We hung out on Beale Street before dark and hung out with some of our favorite people who not only housed us but gave us all the tips and tricks of Memphis to make the most of our time. We love the Turriffs!! 

Once we got that out of our system it was off to Wisconsin and time for family. It was time for all of us to celebrate and honor Grandma and Grandpa, their faith in Jesus, and their precious time here on earth. 

It was so fun to see my brother and family back from Germany and now living in NC. The cousins had a great time hanging out. Speaking of cousins, I also was able to see a few of my cousins and my aunt and uncle from Alaska which doesn't happen very often. 

My Mom and her sister had done a lot of work before we arrived putting the picture boards together and filling Rubbermaid bins with what would go on what table. We spent an afternoon setting it all up at the church and everything turned out really lovely. 

Would Grandma have ironed? 

My parents hosted a get together after the service to visit with friends and family that came from all over. My Grandma Hanson even made the trip from Minnesota!! She's 94 and a total queen of England in my mind. She remembers every person in her family and all about them - all the way down to every last great grandchild.  Her memory is unbelievable! 

And she's totally adorable. 

My brother inherited the family pickup, the very one Grandma learned to drive on when she was a young girl.  He gave her a spin in it for old time's sake.

Not only was the memorial service the closure that we all needed after MONTHS of Covid restrictions and logistics trying to get as much family together at the same time, but we were also saying goodbye to the North Woods of Wisconsin, the log home that my parents currently live in that was built by my grandparents, and all the memories of the last almost 25 years of vacationing up there. More on that later ...

The kids had a great time enjoying the area and the lake. They blew bubbles, fished off the dock,  visited the zoo, and drank copious amounts of Shirley Temple's. 

This is it. After a few decades of memories that include holidays and vacations spent in the log home my grandparents built themselves, it's time to say goodbye. We went to our last Friday night Fish Fry at our favorite place, ate at Culver's and had some breaded cheese curds, drove through Minoqua that holds so many memories we didn't think at the time would ever come to an end. We ran out of time to visit all the little towns around the area to shop at all the tiny boutiques and flea markets that we enjoyed over the years. We worshiped at Trinity for the last time. It's hard to believe, really. 

My parents are being brave and stepping out of their comfort zone. They're willing to imagine and dream and believe that there could be something different. At their best and most uninhibited, they're like giddy teenagers that just went and bought concert tickets to their favorite band only these teenagers are older and wiser and just bought a house in South Carolina. At their not best? Only they really know but I bet they're scared and sad and hoping they're not disappointing their parents for selling the log home. Do we ever get over that?

I'm sad. I'll own it. But I'm so very excited for my parents and for a fresh start. I've watched them sacrifice, unconditionally love, and faithfully serve my grandparents during these last years. I've witnessed some serious 4th Commandment love in action and it's been hard and beautiful. So to picture my mom out on her southern porch sitting in a rocking chair surrounded by trees and enjoying comfortable temperatures with a Bible on her lap and a coffee in hand? Makes me happy. 

So goodbye to my grandparents who were incredibly ordinary people by human standards but extremely extraordinary in EVERY WAY that matters. Goodbye to that handcrafted, meticulously made log home that has proudly flown the flags of our family's home countries for 15 years. So long to that view of Island Lake from the A-frame vantage point. Farewell to the sound of rain on the roof up in the loft where we sleep. 

I can't wait for the memories to come! I look forward to the places we have to discover in a completely different area of the country. I pray my parents have years left of health and a fresh appreciation of each other in this next phase of their lives. I can't wait to visit them in their new home and new church. I'm excited for them and inspired by them! 

Elvis has left the building.