Our Empty Nest - A Year in Retrospect ( AKA: My Second Act)

Sometimes new experiences are terrifying

It was only a year ago that Wayne and I were left looking at one another after each of our kids went off to school - Will went directly to college in Minnesota from a whole summer of Basic Training in Missouri and Zanna to her first year in high school at a Lutheran boarding school.  We were officially empty nesters at 45 years old, earlier than normal because of our high school choice of education. 

Honestly I had been thinking of this moment and dreading it since Will had started his first year of high school in Wisconsin. I consoled myself with the fact that I had six good, long years with Zanna still at home and lots of time left. But as we all know, time flies. 

Meanwhile I built up my hair studio business so I was in a good position to have that fill in the gap and provide us with tuition money and a job that I could work into my schedule. With kids and extended family all far away, it was important to me to be flexible and be able to travel when we needed to. Owning my own salon was perfect and gave me the control that I was looking for. 

Then we moved. Like, moved to another country. Getting my license to practice hair in Ontario was a huge pain in the butt to begin with. It was so complex that I've blocked out most of the details from my memory. Bottom line, it worked out and was a huge blessing! I did not expect to have such a difficult time going back to the US after holding three different state licenses over my lifetime, a current and valid Ontario license, and 25 years experience. But I did. Without boring you with the details, it was not working. I tried not to panic. 

Once we moved to Texas, I knew I had two years left with Zanna home. Two years of homeschooling left. Two years of mothering full-time in the home and I didn't want to squander that or waste it by worrying about what would happen after that. 

Here's the deal. When I became a mother and transitioned from working outside the home for a paycheck to working in the home mothering and without a paycheck, I could find support in many different places. Don't get me wrong - it was hard. But between the books I read, the blogs and websites that were coming out (it was the turn of the century so the internet was just exploding with all those resources), the playgroups in the community, and the relationships I already had with those that answered to Mother, I didn't have to look far to find wisdom, ideas, support, and encouragement. I tackled motherhood like everything else I've done - with everything I've got. I treated it like a job worth investing in constantly learning and searching for ways to improve, finding a support system of likeminded women that have also chosen this path, and looking for inspiration that constantly challenged my own creativity and interests to keep me out of a rut or from becoming bored. I became great at it. God blessed it not only by the satisfaction and joy I've had from mothering but by giving us great kids that are growing into amazing adults. Praise the Lord for all of this! 

I wanted to look at this next stage in life in the same way - passionate and exciting! But when I started any research into it, I was finding information not so relatable. Usually people are older than we are when they are complete empty nesters. If it happens when your youngest goes to college then we're a good four years early and even then we had our kids when we were still relatively young compared to the average of today. Some empty nesters are much closer to retirement. Many had already started to transition back to the workplace before their kids went away. Instead we had moved away from the job that was to help me transition into this next season.  And on top of that I was still homeschooling through 8th grade. This was important to me and I did not want to squander this precious time by worrying about what would happen once she was gone while she was still here! 

Last year at this time was so weird and odd and quiet. I panicked and scrambled with what to do with my days and how to arrange them. I thought for sure that if I could just get a part time job that would help with the tuition bills then I could pursue other things that may not provide me with a take home check but allow me the freedom to do the things I enjoy. 

Earlier that May I had joined Epicure mainly for the discount of something I love. However, I was also open to seeing where it might go as a business. The pandemic had just hit a few months earlier and nobody was going anywhere anyway,  more people were eating from home or looking for a way to eat take out less, and the potential for growing a business new to the US but with a well established company (from Canada) was intriguing. What the heck! It was really fun! I did Facebook cooking classes for months and "met" people from all over the US. I even reconnected with Canadian friends and family by hosting a class for that side of the border! I learned so much about social media, business tools and practices, and most of all - I learned so much about myself. Seriously, if you want to really grow and get all uncomfortable (which makes growth possible) - get yourself a business. It's horrible and wonderful. It totally forced me to step outside my comfort zone and battle some serious doubts to overcome that made me feel brave. It was amazing! 

Crispy and Crunchy Lettuce Wrap

Teriyaki Tuna Steaks

I still struggled though especially coming home last August to an empty house (the dog doesn't count). I hated feeling anxious, questioning my purpose, and wondering what to do next - Feeling like I had to hold my own and not be a drain on the family. I've always been self motivated, focused, and purposeful. I just couldn't move forward. And so I did something that I never planned on doing - I got a life coach.  It may sound weird but I'm coming out and saying that it's changed my life without changing anything at all except my thoughts about my life! There's so much in life we have no control over but we actually have control over our thoughts and was just succumbing to them without even giving it much thought. It's changed the way I see and feel about practically everything - my marriage, my kids, what's going on in the world, and yes - my life as an empty nester! It's been a year now of Life Mentoring School and it's been one of the best decisions I've made. 

Last fall I had offered my services to the homeschool co-op that Zanna and I had been a part of to continue teaching writing if they wanted me to. The year before I had become a registered instructor with the writing program I had used with both kids over the years. Remember how I go all in? Yep, I spent the previous summer  going to "school" to become certified so I would feel better equipped to teach writing for co-op. Since I had already gone through the trouble and I also LOVE the program, I was more than happy to volunteer my time to support and encourage those that continue to homeschool. Not only that but the only people I really knew outside of church were homeschoolers. Now that Zanna wasn't around it was hard to connect with those I had made relationships with without still running in that crowd. I ended up really enjoying it and the kids I got to teach once a week. Funny for the girl who didn't finish her teaching degree at college and became a hairdresser .... 

A message from one of my sweet writing students

Later that fall, I was trained to clean cabins over at the nearby camp. This was totally in my wheelhouse. I love cleaning! They needed me primarily in case they were short staffed and for turnarounds during Covid - I was the only one willing to go in and clean a cabin without waiting 24 hours. I was also trained in the camp office to do some paperwork, etc. This was also out of my comfort zone as I don't usually do spreadsheets and Quickbooks. But I learned how and I finally caught on to something that did not come naturally. 

So for awhile I felt in limbo. I was trying different things and they weren't necessarily taking off as fast as I was hoping. I wanted success right away! I wanted to find my niche and be done with it! I sent out some resumes and even interviewed for a "traditional" job in town but I quickly realized that traditional doesn't necessarily hold the answer to all I was looking for. I am so thankful God didn't give me what I asked for so soon because by the end of October, Will was home from college due to Covid and pivoting to online instruction for the rest of the semester. He would not go back to Minnesota until January. Our nest wasn't empty anymore! 

Those three months with him were the greatest gift of Covid so far. He had been gone the whole summer before so to have him home and all to ourselves was wonderful! I was back to making daily meals just trying to keep up with his extra appetite in the home. He'd eat leftovers before they even got completely cold! We SO enjoyed having him home and totally cherished that bonus time with him even though online learning does not suit him best. We made the most of it and I was over the moon to have our 20 year old under our roof again for a few months. Of course, our girl was home also for Christmas break and I was thankful I could devote my time and energy to my precious family. 

That brings us up to the spring and my Epicure business was technically growing but also hit a wall.  I still really liked it and believed it could be such a blessing to so many families and people. I stepped outside my comfort once again and did a few kid's cooking classes in my home. They were a total hit not just with the kids but I was flying high! Another score in the bravery department for me! This was totally in my wheelhouse, I was blessing other families, and making some fairly quick extra cash. Win, win! 

Around this time our church secretary announced she and her husband would be moving away from our area. We were so sad about this because they have been such blessings to us and to the church over the years. However, that left an open job that needed to be filled and she suggested I consider filling it. We got the OK from council and I became the church secretary in May. 

Also in May I officially joined the WELS Women's Ministry executive team after spending the last year and a half being mentored and a part of some online Bible studies, etc. I flew to Milwaukee for meetings and have already been blessed to be a part of some ground breaking projects. Now we're gearing up for conference next summer where I'll be leading a workshop (terrified, once again).

So that brings us up to the summer. Summer was fun, full, and wonderful!  As my attention turns ahead to this fall, nothing's changed but everything is different.  I still have an empty nest but I have a huge buffet of opportunities to pick from in how I want to manage my time, earn money, volunteer, serve my family, etc. I'll actually have to let some things go by the wayside because there's not enough hours in the day! 

This fall I'll be teaching three homeschool writing classes which I'm incredibly excited about.  Several months ago I was contacted by a lady in Round Rock, Texas that owns an online tutoring/enrichment learning company. She asked if I would take over a 3rd grade online English class come August having found my name as a registered instructor on the IEW website. I had two of those classes so far which was terrifying and fun which is getting to be a familiar feeling these days! Teaching in person is one thing. Teaching online is quite another as many others have learned the last year and a half! 

The church secretary job is perfect for my organizational skills, is super flexible, and offers me that part time job salary I was hoping for that would put a dent in tuition. Thank you, Lord!! 

I have to set the camp stuff aside for now and that's OK as they didn't seem to absolutely need me. My Epicure business still has potential but I'm not sure if it's the right fit for me. I'm so glad I did it! For now I'll maintain the status quo until or unless something changes. I may try and still do a monthly kid's cooking class though. I'm on the fence. 

My volunteer role in Women's Ministry is so exciting to me and I want to do that justice with the gifts and abilities I have to serve God's kingdom and specifically WELS churches and their women. I am praying for other likeminded women that will be willing to join my team and pray for wisdom in this area.

I'm also for the first time since I was maybe 18 ? going to teach Sunday School. I've got a little 3 year old boy to teach and this should be fun! 

Add to all of that a home to care for, a yard to maintain, laundry to do, meals to make, and a dog to take care of - I still want margin in my life to read, meet someone for coffee, attend midweek Bible class, write for my blog or Holy Hen House, or put my feet up. 

I haven't really mentioned Wayne yet ... He's been incredibly supportive through all my highs and lows. He's always encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone and be brave. He's also never pressured me into any of the feelings I've put on myself. Quite the opposite! I'm so thankful to have such a loving spouse that gives me the freedom to work through my mess and be who I am! Our marriage is loving the freedom of empty nesting! It's kind of like a version of a honeymoon and dating each other again only way more comfortable and even more exciting because I'd take the intimacy of old love over new love any day! The only kink in our freedom is the dog, but we have a very generous neighbor who loves Buddy and offers to take care of him if we want to go on a day trip or something. 

Last year at this time I was running in circles and confused what to do next. Now I'm excited and overwhelmed at how God has masterfully used all the experiences I've had in my life up to now to be ready for today. Last year I questioned my next right thing.  I probably should have questioned my sanity;)  God's timing is perfect and His plan is better than I even thought to ask for! I'm totally ready for my second act.