I Know That My Redeemer Lives

Our trip to El Paso was brought about by one main reason - Wayne and I were asked by Reid and Brenda to be godparents to Avery. Brenda is a pastor’s kid (aka PK) so she knew that while the baby was due in March - smack dab in the middle of Lent - it was best to plan the baptism for the week after Easter. Good thinking! 

It was a big trip for our whole family to take and was also during the time Wayne was to be in Toronto for pastors’ conference so that’s what brought about having the girls go. Wayne would take Will with him and as it turned out, Will stayed with a pastor’s family in TO while Wayne was in meetings. This helped because Will had something to look forward to and made some new friends out of the whole affair instead of stewing on the fact that we were going to Texas and he was not. Good timing!

And so baptism day arrived on a sunny, warm Texas spring day! I wore a brightly coloured floral dress and cowboy boots to mark the occasion. (Alberta boots, just so it’s clear). The church was still decorated for Easter and the lilies were still in bloom. What a perfect time of year to be “born again of the Spirit”! Having been reminded through our Easter celebration that through our baptism, we are united with him not only in death but “we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection”  (Romans 6:5) -  what is there better than a baptism?!!! 

More noteworthy in the fashion department than what I wore was what Avery wore. She was clothed with the same crocheted dress that my siblings and I wore at our baptisms and what Will wore at his. (Zanna was too big for it by the time we brought her home from China.) 

Brenda’s pastor dad was there not only to visit his newest grandchild but to baptize her during the church service. He had recently traveled to Israel and brought back water from the Jordan to use for the baptism. Not that this makes it any more “holy” but it sure is cool! 

I felt incredibly blessed to be there to hold Avery during the sacrament.  I had expected her to start crying or at least fussing when the water touched her head (I think her parents were waiting for it too!) but she never made a peep. She was such a good baby through the whole thing - the all important “cake eating” with the congregation afterwards and as we reenacted the baptism for picture taking purposes. 

It was definitely emotional for me as she was baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and a reminder of my own baptism and when Will wore the gown last almost 13 years ago! Despite getting teary-eyed, I was thrilled not to loose it in the end and save my mascara from smearing! 

As we left the baptismal font to walk back down the aisle, the music from the grand piano began to play and we heard the congregation sing:

I know that my Redeemer lives; What comfort this sweet sentence gives!

He lives, he lives, who once was dead; He lives, my ever-living Head!

He lives to bless me with his love; He lives to plead for me above.

He lives, my hungry soul to feed; He lives to help in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply; He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint; He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

I exited the worship area with Brenda assuming that she’d want to change Avery out of the dress right away if she thought she was too warm. Instead she muttered the words to me, “This is the song that we sang at my mom’s funeral”, right before she broke down weeping. 

She had lost her Mom to cancer only a few short years ago. I could only imagine her acute awareness of not having her around at the baptism or birth. Mom and I were there to do the best we could but no one can replace your mom and we knew that. Her Dad came out then and they held each other tight and I held Avery tight in my arms rocking her. Brenda called out to no one in particular, “Why? Why does this song have to play right now of all times?”. 

As I looked down at Avery in this moment I saw her in the dress that I wore and her Daddy wore and Auntie Bekah wore and my baby wore on our baptism day - what better picture of grace is there when a helpless infant is brought to faith in Christ through no act or decision or work of their own but solely by the undeserved love of Christ? Where is baby Avery’s grandma today of all days? And it clicked like it had never before. Avery’s grandma may not have been baptized in this same baptismal gown but she too had been clothed in Christ. He is her Redeemer too and it was declared loud and clear at her end! How fitting that this song would play now - at Avery’s beginning! 

It was only afterwards that I noticed the front of the bulletin that day. “I Am the Alpha and the Omega.” Revelation 1:8. The beginning and the end. He the source, the ending he, of all the things that are, that have been, and that future years shall see. Evermore and evermore. “Of the Father’s Love Begotten” (CW 35). Evermore.  My word of the year. There is no “circle of life” but rather, an infinite span of time. 

In Christ, there is no beginning and no end. Because we have been clothed in his righteousness, we will live eternally with him even though we die. And he knows us even before our parents do. Evermore. 

We did manage to somehow get it together to rejoin the rest of the family in worship but not before my mascara smeared (rats! so close!). And I heard Brenda say before we went back in, “It’s like Mom is here”. And I suppose in a way she was. But most of all, I was moved by what a gift in light of eternity God had given to all of us. I know I had a profound moment of clarity even though the experience was bittersweet. 

The Girls in El Paso

 Last week Zanna and I were in El Paso to visit my brother and sister-in-law and meet my new niece. Our mission was simple: to welcome baby Avery into the family, stand as god-parent at her baptism as she's brought into Christ's family and eat. Mission accomplished. 

 First off, I had such a blast traveling with my girl. She was so agreeable even when waiting hours in an airport for delayed flights.  She was a good listener, she was busy taking care of her baby doll most of the time and she spent hours reading the books she brought with her. As a matter of fact,  I complained more than she did and I required more trips to the bathroom. Go figure. Who was taking care of who? 

 Rou Rou goes everywhere - a faithful friend since Zanna was 14months.  This doll's been stitched back together more times than a Hollywood star. She's dearly loved. Which was good practice for the real thing ....

 The cousins hit it off right away! Avery would gaze up at her face as if to say, "Hey, you're different! You're more my size." It was adorable. 

 But back to the traveling .... this is the cute view I got to watch. 

I'm going to have to break this post up because there's so much.  Consider this the first instalment. It will deal mostly with 2 of the 3 missions. 

 Welcome to the family,baby girl! Here are the girls from left to right - Oma, Tilly, Hosanna and me (who I like to think of as "the fairy god-mother) holding Avery. It was cut-throat I tell you! Mom and I would race to hold her after a feeding and if you stumbled or were distracted - well that was just to bad. You snooze, you loose! 

That's right. Showing how it's done. Baby in one arm, a glass of wine in the other. Who says you can't do it all? 

In between all this baby loving going on, we had to eat. And eat we did! 

Reid made a few meals in-between his role as husband and father. He treated us to a sandwich made famous by his previous business "the Drifter". I also got to sink my teeth into his smoked pork ribs done slowly and carefully on the Big Green Egg. It was just as yummy as I imagined!!!

We had steak at Cattlemen's Ranch where they raise their own cattle. It was good. 'nuff said. 

We had a beer at Rosa's Cantina. 

You know the song? 

On my wish list was a drink 20 years since my last : a cherry limeade from Sonic. Just as good as I remembered it!

Being so close to the Mexican border, we had to go for some authentic Mexican fare. Check and Check. 

We also went to eat at a restaurant owned by Reid and Brenda's friend where I had crawfish mac and cheese. Super yummy. 

While not necessarily the mission, we did explore a bit of the area since we were there. Reid took us to nearby New Mexico where we visited White Sands National Park.

This was a unique natural wonder - white sand as fine as talcum powder formed from gypsum. Sand dunes rise high and are fun to sled down. It was quite the experience. 

Watching my mother attempt to struggle up the sand dune was beyond funny! I was so relieved I had just used the washroom at the visitors centre because I would have for sure peed my pants from laughing so hard at the sight of her. Then there's my dad who wore cowboy boots and you can't very well climb up sand in them, can you? His back was apparently bothering him so he found less of an incline to make his way up to us all. It was super fun sledding down sand and it was beautiful weather while we were out. 

I think that's where I'll leave off for now. Lots more coming! As you can see, we had a great time on our little getaway!!

Signs of Spring

He Is Risen! He Is Risen Indeed!

There's still snow in our part of the woods but the signs of spring are all around us. You know it's spring when .....

The neighbourhood kids come out of hibernation (away from the glare of a screen?) and start playing street hockey again! 

It's time to decorate the Easter eggs! Everyone puts their special touch on theirs. 

Sorry. I don't have a picture of this next sign but ...
The street sweepers have been spotted! This one is unusually exciting. As the snow melts away after months of building up, all that's left is dirt and trash. It's not pretty. The street sweepers come through and magically clean it all away. It's wonderful. 

Another one I don't have a picture of (it may have freaked out the guy) but it's time for the area tradition of shovelling snow off the yard back onto the driveway. I know. It's crazy, right? After months of shovelling it off the driveway, we're now putting it back on?!!! What sense is there in this? Well let me explain. It melts much faster by spreading it out as opposed to leaving the great heaps of dirty, crusty snow to s.l.o.w.l.y. melt. I've been known to do it myself. 

Flowers. They may not have come up yet in my yard but they're alive and well at Costco! They sure brighten things up. 

After keeping the decorating pretty low key and scaled back for Lent, it's refreshing to get out the bright and colourful stuff on Holy Saturday in anticipation for the next day! 

The bird dishes come out. Doesn't everyone have bird dishes? You do if you have a dish fetish. I'm Rachel and I'm addicted to dishes. Nice to meet you. 
By the way - the matching bowls look like little nests. Just sayin'. 

We once again celebrate our Saviour's death and resurrection on our behalf. The rock is rolled back and in it's place is a butterfly! 

Happy Spring!!

Faith of a Child

March 19, 2013
it's geting klosor to Ester wen Jesus dies on the cross to tack away the sins of the world. Jesus was Born on Christmas day. Mary was his mather of Jesus. who wode take away the sins of the world. 

                                                                       taken from Zanna's journal

March Break 2013

This month in our studies we started a new Sonlight Core and are back to World History. I'm looking forward to touching upon this again as it's been quite awhile (Will's grade 1, 2 and 3) since we've studied it. So we're back in early history and enjoying some ancient Egyptian fun! 

Lent started early this year and I can't believe Easter will end the month - especially since it's still snowing outside! But around the house I've set up reminders - 

I made our Lenten garden again - a diorama depicting Jesus' tomb, cross and a small pool with a shell reminding us that through our baptism we participate in Christ's death and resurrection. (Romans 6:3,4)

I put up our Lenten tree showing art depicting scenes of the life of Christ. 

March brings March break and I felt we especially needed it this year!! It came just in time. I was in an organizing mood and managed to get some big projects accomplished. I attacked Zanna's room one afternoon she was out of the house. She never knew what hit her ....

Armed with bins from Costco, trash bags and a label maker, I was a force to be reckoned with!!

After 6 1/2 years of living in our house and no moving on the horizon which would force me to purge and clean, I realized it was time to start going through things. Starting with the pantry! 

Here's the before:

And then the after:

I can't imagine anyone (even my mother) really caring about whether I organized my pantry or not but hey. What can I say? This is what I get excited about!

I did plan a few special things for the kids to do. Will had an overnight away at a friends. Zanna did a library program on making art with nature.

In the above picture she used mica. Below they used dried pine needles. It's a firefly in case you're wondering.

My favourite outing was to the sugarbush. It had been years since we'd gone! It's a very traditional thing to do around here and we did it every year when Will was little. Zanna didn't remember any of it so it was all new to her. The first thing we did was eat!

Pancakes and syrup, sausages, scrambled eggs, fried potatoes and hot chocolate - yum!

We walked around the old farm property and toured the building and met the animals in the barns. Then we meandered down the way to the area they boil the maple syrup down to a thick substance. 

Then they pour it over clean snow. You take your popsicle stick and it rolls right up into maple taffy.

There was a time I just used pancake syrup on my waffles and pancakes but after living here I would take real maple syrup any day!!!!! 

The Open Door

The phone call came on the night of my little girl’s 7th birthday. 

My mom and dad were packing up their things to leave first thing in the morning. I had been collecting the last of the baby items I had to pass on to my brother and sister-in-law who were expecting their first baby. I would send them off with mom and dad who would be driving down to Texas to see them soon. 

I washed and carefully folded the crocheted baby blankets that were just sitting in a box these last few years - pinks and blues - carefully knitted together to form a pattern. I went through the board books I had enjoyed reading with my babies - some lightly gnawed at in the corners, a memory of teething babies. Some books I can’t and won’t part with as they seemed to become a part of me and these I put in another corner for now. Funny how some books can get into me and affect me like that.

 It was time to move on and it felt good to clear some more clutter and make some space to move around in. 

So when the caller on the other line with my husband asked if we would consider this? And all I can hear him say from the other room in his serious voice is “let me talk with my wife”, I wonder.

And it’s this - the caller knows a woman and her story reads like a tragedy. Her biological past against her from the start, she continues to make poor decision after poor decision. Men have come and gone and left babies in their wake. Some she’s kept, others she’s allowed to have another life outside hers with a stable family, and others she’s lost and never made to term. And now there’s this - 12 weeks along and twins, no less. And even though she didn’t seem to make very clear headed decisions, she knew she wanted her babies in a Christian home. She wanted to know they’d be baptized.   Would we ... want them? 

We look each other in the eyes and say yes without hesitation.  And when mom asks if I have that box ready of baby things I hesitate and say, “about that...”. And leave her stunned. 

The next day is different. I call her myself to ask questions and get more information about a woman full of life growing inside who’s own life is so messed up. Is it any wonder that she uses pot to medicate her pain? As it all sinks into my brain I start to realize that this decision may not be so easy to make. 

I call our adoption agency we used to bring Zanna into our family. They do domestic, private adoptions too. I’m surprised to hear the bottom line - a cost so high it rivals our China adoption. Another home study, lawyer’s fees, parenting classes, the list continues. And this is before we bring two newborns home?!  A 3 bedroom house comfy enough for our family now but a basement to refinish if Will is to move down there. Two of everything. Two cribs, two carseats, Costco sized diaper boxes and formula canisters. All the reasons why not to crowd my head and I am overwhelmed. I spend the next few days in tears. 

Those against abortion are all for life until the baby is born. The words I heard the previous week echo in my brain and cut into my heart, convicting me. At the time I had laughed in agreement and I silently convicted all those pro-lifers for never considering adoption. And now in a twist of irony, I sit here wanting to say NO. No to these babies that need a loving home, no matter the sins of their parents or the special needs they may or may not have. 

The guilt in the beginning was overwhelming me. I have spent eleven years disappointed every month that I’m not pregnant. I have wanted babies.  I have spent hours in prayer, pleading with Jesus.  We dreamed a new dream and been blessed with our baby physically born in China but love for her born in our hearts and I’d have it no other way. I was at peace. Didn’t I say a few days before to someone I’m confident God blessed us with two because he knew that’s all I could handle! Surely I’m not a large family kind of woman!  And now, are we to double that amount in just a few, short months? Who am I to cry out to Him for years for a child only to have Him offer me the opportunity for 2 and have me say, “Uh, thanks but no thanks.”? 

Thankfully, this guilt weighing me down didn’t last very long. I immersed myself in the Word and was reminded of God’s promises. He died for my guilt. He took my wrongs on himself and made it right. I leave my guilt at the foot of the cross. In it’s place is freedom. Freedom he gives his children to make their choices, promising that he’ll work all things out for the good of those that love him. He’s given us freedom to weigh out situations in our life using the brains he gave us to make decisions everyday - like what kind of career we should pursue or what to have for dinner. We have confidence being his children that he’ll walk with us no matter what. We look at his promises to guide us and seek to follow his commands. We can be confident in making our decisions as we walk in faith and see the blessing found in this freedom.

In this moment, God was allowing an open door for us - did we want to walk through it? We told the kids. We wanted them in on this big family changing decision. We let them know we were considering this but that other families were contacted too. We weren’t sure what would happen but there was a chance this could happen for us. Will was excited to have a basement bedroom. Zanna heard “babies” and her eyes glossed over in excitement. I had to talk her down for days and remind her they may not be our babies but we cared about what happened to them no matter whose home they ended up in. I stressed keeping them in prayer. 

We lived the next few weeks only talking about it between Wayne and I occasionally. We were waiting to see if another couple would want an opportunity to adopt an “instant family”. We ourselves contacted a few couples we thought would consider it. We waited. When we had chances to talk about it in between Lenten services and no kids being around which were chances few and far between, we talked about family planning, birth control and decision making. We didn’t necessarily figure out all of life’s complicated matters but it felt good to connect and talk and cling to each other. I continue to grow in appreciation for the man I married almost 15 years ago! If I had to be on this roller coaster, there was comfort in sharing a seat with him! 

It was starting to wear on me though. A fierce cold had set in on my body and was zapping my energy. I thought about the babies all the time. We needed to make a decision but I know I wasn’t any closer to one than I was the day before. In one moment I was convinced we could do it. God would work out the details. In the next moment I would be just as certain that we would be insane to do this. We were coming up on 38 for crying out loud!! Was I already starting to loose my mind? I was feeling like a ping pong and needed to be put out of my misery and move forward one way or the other. I knew it was weighing on Wayne too amid the busyness of the Lenten season and his regular, daily classes and meetings.

And then three weeks into the whole affair, it ended just as quickly as it had come up. The door shut. The expectant mom had chosen her own couple to promise them to. That’s all I know. 

I don’t know what this was. In the wake of it all, I’m left a bit dazed and confused. In retrospect, I felt I was being refined. And as awful as it sometimes felt, I always knew it was for a purpose. Maybe there will be a time where we’ll say, “Ah-ha! That is why we went through that back then!” or maybe not? 

I cried more tears - I think out of relief that we never had to finally make the choice. We never closed the door ourselves and I must admit that that in itself is a relief. I’m hugging my kids a little tighter, watching their expressions and movements and thanking  God for it all. 

I can repack those boxes of the last baby stuff and it’ll go to a good home. 

Today we welcomed the latest addition to my side of the family - pretty, little Avery Mae, 8 lbs, 13.5 oz was born!

To the few that we let in on this at the time, I am grateful for their wise council and encouragement and for being there for us. I’m also so thankful to those that didn’t know the details but prayed for us anyway. Thank you.

Learning to Live Evermore

February has flown by and has only a few days left. This has been a month full of emotion. Makes sense when you consider it includes Valentines Day. And this particular Valentines Day I was surrounded by those I love and who love me - my husband and children and both my parents. How blessed I am to have these persons in my life who reflect the love of Christ to me! Truly the greatest love the earth has ever known is that of Christ and his sacrifice. And how fitting it has been this year to have Ash Wednesday fall the day before this “National Day of Love” full of Hallmark cards and candlelight dinners. It was a chance for me to witness in my own life how much easier it is to pay more attention to a secular holiday than the time in the church year where we stop and reflect on Jesus’ great love and grace towards mankind. What greater love is there? 

Earlier in the month, we enjoyed an evening of opening up our home to the group of families we traveled to China with while adopting our daughters. Those little bundles of joy and screaming are now 7 year olds. The bond they share is extremely special as is the one we share with the fellow parents. Our backgrounds and interests may be varied, but the experience we share with them is heartwarming. What a blessing this group is! Zanna sees that other families are like hers and she loves to get together with her “China friends” as she calls them. The dads were bold this evening together and took the kids sledding at a nearby hill. Seven girls and Will kept the dads busy by challenging them to races down the snowy and somewhat hard, icy slope. The guys came back with some sore behinds and the kids were ready to attack the hot chocolate bar I had ready for them! 

Chinese New Year was not far behind and we enjoyed a quiet meal at home with some homemade beef stir-fry and specially made egg rolls made famous by a local restaurant! 

Mom and Dad’s visit in honour of Zanna’s birthday was a fun filled 9 days full of activities that included a Beatles’ Tribute Show with the NAC orchestra downtown. We sat in the box seats in the mezzanine level and enjoyed a perfect view while tapping our feet and biting our lip to keep from singing along and embarrassing ourselves!  We kept up our normal activities for the most part with Oma and Opa tagging along sometimes - soccer, ballet, a field trip on honey bees to the Agriculture Museum. And we spent Family Day in Watertown, New York for a change of scenery and a visit to the aisles of Target. Amid the days included discipline issues and naughty behaviour - the kids too:) I wish these special times wouldn’t be tainted by bad attitudes and rebellion but they were. Often bringing to light issues that have been there all along and have finally reared their ugly head until we can ignore them no more. It’s exhausting. Parenting is exhausting. Especially when I see myself in their bad behaviour and I am reminded of my Heavenly Father’s grace towards me and I am moved to extend some of that grace to my children. Humbling. 

This month I have run the spectrum of emotion - joy, happiness, sadness, guilt - and I am brought to my knees by an email and a phone call. The email - news delivered that a dear friend and sister-in-Christ, fellow pastor’s wife my age has cancer. I think of those days back at Seminary and the budding of our friendship. Our boys the same age - little 1 year olds that final year of Sem and us new moms enjoying the fellowship we had with one another. Now a mom of five, she lies in a hospital with leukemia. My heart aches. I think of her pastor husband we just saw last April. I think of her children. I think of her mom and dad and family members and the church family she has in Florida. I think of evermore and what this means. She is a child of God. Her husband faithfully teaches and preaches God’s Word in it’s truth and purity. Her children have been baptized into faith, the cross of Christ marked on their foreheads in the name of the Triune God and doesn’t God “work for the good of those who love him”(Rom 8:28)?  This is evermore. This moment falls somewhere in eternity and yes, God does work things out for his children. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord. (Jer 29:1-14)  This world is so temporary and things change so fast! God has healed us of the only thing that matters for eternity - our sin that damns us to an eternity of suffering. My friend will be healed of this cancer - maybe in this life but for certain in heaven because Christ has healed her of the one thing that can truly harm her. I pray for strength to be given to them and hope to endure the trials and for His will to be done and remember Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and didn’t he pray for that? Our God knows and endured much worse on our behalf and I pray she and her family will be comforted. 

I’m praying for another dear friend and fellow pastor’s wife on a mission trip to Nepal. As she teaches a group of Christian women there to teach their children about Jesus, encourage their husbands to evangelize and to properly understand their roles as women, I know my friend will return home a different person.  I wonder what her eyes will see and what perspective she’ll bring back. I look forward to seeing how God uses this experience in her life to glorify his name and unite sisters in faith across a globe. Evermore.

And finally, a phone call. I can’t say anymore at this point. We're all OK, no worries. Only that it’s shook our world and brought me to a very vivid awareness of my weakness and need for a Saviour.  Prayers, please?  May His will be done. Evermore.